Talking Turkey

Thanksgiving Facts

Thanksgiving has its roots in the Puritan tradition. During the reign of Henry VIII, before 1536, there were 95 church holidays, in addition to worshiping every Sunday, when going to church was required. During the reform, the Church of England reduced that number to 27. But, Puritans continued to lobby to eliminate all holidays, including Christmas and Easter, in favor of creating special days of observation bucketed into two categories: Days of Fasting and Days of Thanksgiving. These were to be called in response to acts of special providence, such as unexpected disasters or miracles from on high.

Days of Thanksgiving were called following the victory over the Spanish Armada in 1588 and following the deliverance of Queen Anne in 1605. Days of Fasting were called because of plagues in 1604 and 1622, drought in 1611, and floods in 1613.

Ben Franklin, it seems, was partial to the idea of having the turkey be our national bird rather than our national meal. He wrote to his daughter that the bald eagle,

is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly… too lazy to fish for himself.

The turkey, in comparison, he wrote, is

a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America...He is besides, though a little vain and silly, a Bird of Courage.

Although a harvest festival that was an outgrowth of Protestant tradition was celebrated informally across New England on a variety of different dates, Thanksgiving was not formally observed as a national holiday in the United States until 1863. Sarah Josepha Buell Hale, a women’s activist, author of “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and an influential magazine editor, had furiously lobbied four America presidents - Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce, and Buchanan - before she prevailed in convincing Abraham Lincoln to institute it as a national holiday by suggesting it would help heal the nation after the Civil War.

Since 1960 the weight of an average Thanksgiving turkey has increased 78%, from 17 pounds to 30 pounds. The weight of an average American citizen has only increased 18%. Annual per capita turkey consumption in the US has roughly doubled since 1970, driven largely by the popularity of ground turkey.

Wild turkey’s can achieve a flight speed of 55 miles per hour. In 1973 the United States lowered its speed limit to 55 miles per hour. Since then the price of gas has gone up 11x while the price of a gallon of milk has only tripled. The price of a college education, meanwhile, has increased by 14x. The US population has only increased 58% since then.

Since 2000, the price of turkey per pound has increased 70%. The price of the whole Thanksgiving meal has increased 79%. In the same time the price of a Big Mac has increased 154%. The average American will eat 4,500 calories today, or the equivalent of 8 Big Macs. Per capita income has increased 162% since 2000. Amazon’s sales have increased 207 times in that same period. There are 310 million mobile phones in America today. Amazon also has 310 million customers today.

Forty million turkeys will be consumed today. That represents about 18% of total annual US production. The United States outsizes the next largest producer of turkeys, France, by a factor of 6 times. Twelve other countries celebrate Thanksgiving. They are: Grenada, Netherlands, Liberia, Australia, Northfolk Island, Canada, Saint Lucia, China, Germany, Japan, and South Korea.

Three states — Minnesota, North Carolina, and Arkansas - produce 58% of all turkeys in the United States. Four in six Americans will serve ham with their turkeys today, yielding annual consumption of 28 million pounds of ham on Thanksgiving.

Bar and liquor store sales increase 100% on the eve of Thanksgiving. The blend of that sales increase - skewed towards Tequila, Vodka, and Rum and away from Gin - indicates predominantly young people drink more around this holiday.

64% of Americans believe this year’s election will spoil their holiday plans, and 23% plan to skip Thanksgiving altogether while nearly half will ban political discussions. Fact: Trump won (three times). Get over it.

Two-thirds of Americans prefer leftovers over to the Thanksgiving meal itself. 72% of Americans plan ahead specifically to have leftovers from Thanksgiving, and 56% are disappointed if there aren't any. 27% of Americans agree that yams are the worst part of Thanksgiving. Nonetheless, grandma keeps on severing them: per capita consumption of yams has increased 37% since 2000. One third of Americans either dislike, hate or are not sure about pumpkin pie. These are the same people who believe Biden is 20% more popular than Obama.

Almost 7 in 10 people among the population aged 18 to 38 engage in something called Friendsgiving. 58% say they prefer it to Thanksgiving because they want to avoid answering personal questions from family members. 38% say they want to avoid situations that might offend family members. And to think, I used to look forward to Thanksgiving just for such opportunities. This is the generation you have raised - kids who rather take a picture of a meal and post it on Instagram than sip eggnog while watching Uncle Charlie get hammered and rebuke everyone who voted for Ross Perot.

The day after Thanksgiving, so called Black Friday, is the busiest day of the year in stores, and also the busiest for plumbers - for obvious reasons.

Finally, if you have ever listened to anything I have ever written, please follow these simple four rules next year:

1. Dry brine your turkey

2. Be a real man and put the stuffing in the bird

3. Throw a dash of white pepper in your mashed

4. Make real cranberry sauce, it’s as easy as boiling water

Do this and you can expect a flood of compliments... anything else is a recipe for failure.

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