Mo' Canada

I wasn’t going to double tap on the 51st state, but it’s too charming not to. So, if Houston and Bend had a bouncing baby boy, they’d name it Edmonton. I told a friend: Canada is like a vintage store version of America - only the good things of the nostalgic past. Everything is less clogged, from towns to national parks. With an identical landmass to ours but about 300 million fewer people, Canada’s population density is about one-tenth that of USA. Off grid is actually a thing here, too.

Another friend speculated Americans might be, currently, unpopular in the Great White North, but I’ve found they treat us better than we treat ourselves. The roads empty, the Rockies beaming, and the food a little fresher, I’m feeling both reinvigorated about hoboing and a little regret for spending so much time cavorting around USA the last two years. That said, I’ve not been up here for a winter. But I think I would prefer spending one of those in Mexico instead. And, I mean, it would be rude not to.

The gyms of Alberta all have a little mud room with permanent racks where everyone leaves their athletic shoes waiting so as not to drag in all the snow and soil from outside. One must change kicks, from their outdoor ones to their special gym shoes, year around. And, the municipal rec. center in Jasper is kitted out with bigger, heavier, shakier weights than an old school, mid-Eighties Gold’s Gym. Leg sled, hack squat, and Allen key dumbbells up to 110. Straight outta Pumping Iron.

Things I’ve found quite effective for strength training: sobriety, leaving the iPhone in the car, and lifting every time I go in the gym to shower. I lost a bit of weight on Reta but I swapped to a new regimen, known colloquially down south as “Montezuma's revenge.” Apparently, it’s not just for Mexico anymore. I won’t disgust my friendly reader with the horrible details but, suffice it to say, #vanlife is #unpleasant under such circumstances. The good news is: in 5 days I dropped 10 more pounds and I still haven’t lost an ounce of strength.

Do you know why the buttons on women’s clothes are on the left? Because during Victorian times servants helped them put on the elaborate costumes of the era and this arrangement made it easier for a right handed person to navigate the buttons while facing the one being dressed. Do you know how I learned this? Because I bought a Melton wool Paul Bunyan jacket at Goodwill in Edmonton to later discover the buttons on the wrong side. I would have loved to have seen the delicate young lady who donned this coat before me. Bet she’d throw me and Mike from here to Lake Ontario for sport. But now we know. I wear a women’s size 4XL.

Riding the current wave of Canadian delight, Mike and I have decided to swing through the capital of the Northern Territories on the way to Fairbanks. It’s only about 900 miles out of the way. With a population of about 20,000, it’s the capital because it’s the only city in the province. Besides, when are we going to be within a 15 hour drive of Yellowknife again? And, it’s name is Yellowknife. Until next week, which will bring something new. Unless Canada keeps getting better. I’m starting to fear now Alaska will be a let down.

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